New life
by koralina
Summary: Tomorrow he will be somebody else. Tomorrow his lie will be born. Tomorrow he will pretend to be happy.
1. Tomorrow

He sits there. But he doesn't believe it. He doesn't believe they really are doing this. All these years they dreamed about escaping. He dreamed about being far away from this Island. But here he is, sitting in a plane and waiting for something. They'll crash or run out of fuel or those flashes will carry them back again or something else will happen that he can't even imagine now. He is ready to believe in many different events except one, escaping. But their flight keeps going without surprises. He can see cities down there. And he has dared to start believing and hoping.

_There is no__ reason to stay here_. He said that once on the beach. And that was true. But he didn't say that there was no place in the whole world where it'd be worth it for him to stay. There was no place then and there is no place now. The Island became for him both heaven and hell. Here he found friends, family, and love. But it was also here where he has lost it all. Those words became true again. _There is no reason to stay here._

So he is flying somewhere; he doesn't know where. It isn't important. All that he needs to know is that he is flying away from the Island. Down there he didn't think he just kept moving, fighting, saving. He did all of is because it was necessary, not only for his friends but mainly for himself. It kept him busy. It kept him from thinking, feeling and remembering because otherwise he'd stop. And if he stopped he could never start acting again.

Why does he do this? Why doesn't he stop? Why does he try to survive again? He doesn't know the answer. Probably no one from them knows the right answer. All of them are people beaten by fate, people who have lost all, but again people who keep struggling for survival. And they sit here and try to realize what the hell happened with them and how should they live further.

…

"_Ladies and gentlemen, our plain is going to land. Please fasten your seatbelts_." Those words belong to the pilot. And he chuckles wistfully. These words are so ordinary and may be he even doesn't give pay attention to them in that previous life but now they are almost absurd in their normalcy. And he very well knows that this feeling isn't going to go away soon. Now he so deeply understands what Hanks' character should be feeling, with this entire life flowing past you so normally so quietly and so ignorant of your problems and wounds. The only difference is that he isn't alone. His friends are with him. They feel the same way. So he can be himself with them. He can live without lie and secrets. He can talk …

Richard. The man whose whole life was about the Island has to adapt to a new world and begin again.

Kate and Clair. Two women so desperately holding onto each other, friend for friend, because of their fear of the future. Nevertheless he is sure they are ready to accept it. And he envies them because even with all they have lost they have a goal. It is their light at the end of the tunnel. Aaron. And he envies them.

Miles. His friend who was with him all these years is very much like him. They both lied and stole money. They both had no place to call home. They both were left on the Island. They both traveled in time. They both got their first legitimate job in Dharmaville. And finally they both lost their family, except Miles lost his father, instead of a wife. So Miles is able to understand him better than others. And may be the only one he'd be willing to see in the near future.

…

They leave the plane. Now is the beginning of their new life. One more beginning and again it starts with a huge lie. They have to lie about themselves and about friends left behind and about the place where they spent 3 years, the happiest 3 years of his life. And main problem is that all of his new beginnings had started like this.

When they crashed on island he called himself Sawyer, predator without morality who tried his best to be killed. Only a few people were interested enough to see through his mask, to know the real him and to show him what kind of man he could be.

When he became a Dharma member he called himself LaFleur, brave ship Captain who was ready to risk his life for friends' sake. Only a few people knew the truth. And they not only lived in this lie but they made it real.

Now, the man who left the plane was James Ford, not some mask, just him, for real. Unfortunately he knows that it can be only for today. Tomorrow he will be somebody else. Tomorrow their lie will be born Tomorrow they will pretend to be happy.

But that will happen only tomorrow and today he can think about his life and about people who aren't here anymore to transform lie in a real life.

…

"_We are working on your papers and you can yet rest in your rooms if you want. Don't worry. This nightmare is going to be over. Soon you will be home." _What a nasty trick it is. This life is a nightmare. Friends' deaths are a nightmare. But that life definitely wasn't a nightmare. It was fate's gift to him. And he is ready to give all that he can to get it back. Unfortunately it's impossible and there are no documents or money to change it.

Tomorrow he will pretend to be all right basically to support the women. But today he is going to drink and hope that wine will be enough to forget what happened. He doesn't know when Miles joins him with another bottle. They don't talk; they don't even look at each other; they just sit there and drink. And he can nearly imagine that they are home and within few seconds Jin and Juliet will return from the kitchen with plates full of fish. And they will be together again. And then everything will be alright.


	2. What I want to say to you

Author's note: It's my first attempt in writing stories so I'll be grateful you for reviews. My special thanks to Lor-mats for supporting and helping. Oh, and you may listen BJ Thomas (Don't leave love) along with the reading.

* * *

We survived. We returned to real time and escaped the Island as you wished. But what does escaping mean if it is without you? Our new life is calm and full of money. People around us keep saying we are lucky and we have to enjoy this chance of a new life that fate gave us. But it isn't about me. I already had my chance there with you. All I need is you but you are gone. There is no one to have my back. There is no one for me to protect. I can't stop thinking about you. You will always be with me. And every thing around reminds me of you. In the kitchen you would be the absolute queen. In the bedroom all things correspond to your taste as if someday you'd come and see it. The house had to be ready for your arrival. I did all I can to make it comfortable to you. But you'll never come.

I can hear your voice valuing all my acts, directing me, stopping me, and calming me. May be it is crazy but I'm glad that I have at least this possibility to feel you around. All my life is about you. I live in Miami because you were from here. I met your sister because you'd wanted her to know the truth. I even start visiting Cassidy and trying to be Clem's father because I'm sure you'd be happy to know I did this. And there are not only things or acts which remind me of you. Even hearing a song leads me to you. Everything gets new meaning now because of you and our life together. I close my eyes and drown in the past. I hear song and words come out of heart and began live their own life. My words suit music, because they were inspired by it.

_What I want to say to you_

_Means so much to me_

_Cause I know what we've been_

_And I know what we could be_

_Words were said in anger_

_But that's not me and you_

_Goodbye is not the answer_

_That's the last thing we should do_

There were so many things I wanted to say to you, I had to say to you. But I thought you already knew it without words. I thought you've read all in my eyes, you've felt it as you always felt me and knew what I was going to say. But you didn't know! You didn't understand! And now I'm staying here alone and watching you leave. How does this happen? We were happy. We dreamed about our new, free of the Island, happy life. And now you are saying good bye.

You leave me alone. You leave because of anger and insult. I know it's my guilt I didn't say you how I felt. I'm living only for you. You mean so much to me. I don't believe that my silence can break all that we have. It shouldn't be so. You want to run away. You think this makes your life easier. You think this is a way to escaping hurt. But you are wrong. I know I did it many times. I run away all my life. And what I had at the end? Nothing. Only when I stopped and accepted life I could find the goal for living. I could find you.

_Don__'t leave love out there all alone_

_Don't leave love alone_

_Don't give up just keep holding on_

_Just keep holding on_

_Cause what we feel is life_

_But how will it survive if we let it go_

_Don't let it go_

_Don't leave love out there all alone_

_Don__'__t__leave__love__alone_

So don't leave me, don't let go so quickly. I plead you fight for yourself, for me, for what we had and what we can have. You showed me how to live. You became my world. So don't destroy it, don't leave me alone. Together we can do this, I'm sure. Please don't destroy our love! Don't leave!

_What I'm gonna give to you_

_Is everything I am_

_We've got a chance to make it_

_Hmmmm_

_We gotta take it while we can_

_We're standing in the doorway_

_The time has come to choose_

_What we do now is forever_

_We can win or we can lose_

I give you all I have. May be it's not much but I'm all yours. Don't push me away. We get a chance for life we dreamed about but didn't have before. Let's take it now. All I want is to be with you. But it should be your decision and I'll accept it anyway. Just think before you make your choice. Think what we can have together because your decision will be ultimate. And I can do nothing because it's your choice. I made my choice long time ago. And I'll never regret it. It's the only right thing that I've done in my life. If you fear or don't sure in me please don't run away. Just come to me and ask. We can fix it together. I have your back and you have mine.

_Don't leave love out there all alone_

_Don't leave love all alone_

_Love needs attention_

_Don't give up just keep holding on_

_Just keep holding on_

_What we feel is life_

_But how will it survive if we let it go_

_Don't let it go_

_Don't leave love out there all alone_

_Don't leave love alone_

So don't leave me, don't let go so quickly. I plead you fight for yourself, for me, for what we had and what we can have. You showed me how to live. You became my world. So don't destroy it, don't leave me alone. Together we can do this, I'm sure. Please don't destroy our love! Don't leave!

_Don't leave love out there all alone_

_You've got to show love some attention_

_Wellllll_

_Don't give up just keep holding on_

_You must keep holding on_

_Cause what we feel is life_

_But how will it survive if we let it go_

_Don't let it go_

_Don't leave love out there all alone_

_Don't leave love out there all alone_

Don't let go just because you didn't get my attention I didn't understand that you needed me to be around and look at you. I love you. You are all I have. So don't leave, don't let go so quickly. Fight for us, for all we had and all we can have. Don't destroy our love. I plead you don't leave.

I remember that day. I remember your decision that for ever changed our lives. I remember let you leave. But I don't remember why I did this. Why didn't I stop you? Why didn't say that I couldn't live without you? There were so many things I wanted to say to you. So many words came out during the song. Where were they then? I said neither word of love nor of protest. I didn't think at all just let you choose our way. I'm sorry for this! O God, I'm so sorry! Sorry that didn't fight for both of us, that didn't stop you and reassure. I got so accustomed to your prudence and coolness that I've forgot you were only a woman with your own fears and insecurities that you also longed for help and support, that you needed to hear how I felt more often. I don't know when exactly you became the part of my life. Just once I realize that I need you to be around. You were so calm and strong. I adore you. You mean everything for me. God, why didn't I tell you this in time? Why do I realize all too late? I'm here and you are not. You did what you thought would be right and I didn't. Juliet! I love you so much! I miss you so much!


	3. Everything is possible

Life went on. People ran, fussed, and tried to solve their problems. Even his friends became involved in the crazy life rhythm. They did, but he didn't. He didn't see much sense in it. There were times when he did all of this too. It wasn't real life just some kind of existing. Then he had a life worth to live. Now he was existing again, existing without any purpose, without a hope, without love. His life transformed into something like an image of a monochrome TV screen, dry facts with no feelings. Of course there were many people around him because of his popularity as new oceanic survivor, but he disgusted their attention. Be with someone beside doesn't mean to be together. Fortunately, soon they understood the hint and leaved him alone. So he could sit at the beach in front of his house, placed in the most remote and solitary part of coast, and look at waves.

Not that he was going to do this all his life. He was strong enough to just give up. And she would never understand it. He just waited attention his life gain, could decrease in some point. At least he assured himself. Although deep in the gut he knew that the real cause was his own fears. He was afraid of living because he didn't know how to do it right without her. She made him an honest person. But she wasn't here anymore. And he is afraid of moving on. He still didn't do anything when Miles appeared on his threshold, so vigorous, so full of energy. He told James about what was going on with the other members of their little group.

Claire lives now with her mother. And Aaron gradually recognized her as his mother.

Kate was lucky with the lawyer. So she was released from the prison and now is able to live near Aaron.

Became hero Frank has left on pension and now travels with Richard who finally started enjoying his life.

And Miles himself has so much great ideas in his head. And strangely James finds himself as a major participant in all of them. He tried to avoid these suggestions. He told him they seem crazy. He teased Miles as a dreamer. But both of them knew that he will agree. No matter what Miles suggest he will join him anyway because it feels good to be together.

…

-_I'm so happy that you eventually managed to arrive_- Claire greets them. James doesn't understand what happened that he ended up here. He is sure that he wasn't going to go to any silly parties. And especially he wasn't going to be part of "the saving from the Island" anniversary. But here he is, observing Claire and Kate telling Miles about Aaron's achievements for the last year. Year!

They spent here the whole year! The year after they returned! The year after the receiving the chance of a new life! The chance which all of them used. Now he is a respected society member and co-owner of Ford & Straume agency. James laughs. As always, Miles has managed to achieve everything he wanted to. All started when Miles asked him for some help with a case he had. Then there were requests for some money for an initial capital. Then again it was James participation in Miles' work. And here they are, offered help in investigations even with some extrasensory powers. It was of course Miles' part. And the strangest fact was that James enjoyed the work. It allowed him to help people. It created the illusion of some redemption for everything Sawyer had made. Sometimes he started thinking whether he betrayed her by moving on. But he pushed such thoughts away, because he was sure she would be proud of him.

There is only one thing that would make her angry. He nearly imagined her look of disapproval. During this year, he yet hasn't found any boldness in himself to meet Cassidy. After everything he did to her it would be better to allow her to live her own life, away from him. May be she had a family and was living happy now. Kate didn't say anything about this, only about Clementine. Kate! He catches her look. She was the only one who knew he was a father. And now she looks at him with the same disapproval look Juliet did. God, when did they become so much alike?

…

-_You can do this. I believe in you_- There is nothing else Kate said. Bit it was enough for both of them. It is time for him to fix it. Time to come out of the car and to knock on Cassidy door. Kate agreed to come here with him but she isn't going to help him do his work.

Here, under Cassidy profound look he, former conman professionally fascinating people, doesn't know what to do and say. How did he dared to stay here and be going to give her hope when he already decided that he was supposed to be alone. It would be better to leave now. It would be better to pretend this meet never happened and move on. It would be better and easier. But these thoughts were in his mind only until the hurricane named Clementine has flown in the room. And then all his doubts were forgotten. He fell in love, probably for the last time in his life. He found the girl whom he was ready to give all he had. And she opened to him, the unfamiliar man, about meeting with someone she'd dreamed about all these years. In this moment he finally understood that everything is possible, even for him. He understood that there is tomorrow for him, tomorrow where all could be well.

* * *

**A/N: **review please


	4. In peace

**A/N: **My special thanks to Lor-mats, who sent me this song of Priscilla Ahn.

* * *

I recall all my life. There were many events that I didn't expect, that I didn't need. All I wished to be happy, to have normal life with job, sweet home, friends and love. Yes, I remember, that I dreamed about my wife. For me she should be more then my love she should be my soul mate, should be my half. At least I've thought so when I was young. But I didn't then take into account the cost of my dream. May be if I have known how this would hurt I would never be ready to put myself through that. And that would be the main mistake in my life. Because I've never give away all that I had and have.

_I'm alive should have died in a plane crash  
Four long years ago  
Lost my hope, couldn't cope  
With my fear of news on the radio_

_But I've got a long red cape  
That's caught in the engine of a plane  
That's flying way too low  
Yesterday a hurricane had blown away my long red cape  
And I, feel satisfied_

I have family and home. I lost both. And I thought I would never find again. But then there was crash in which I should have died but I survived. Why?

I damned fate for not letting me die. I didn't want to continue my sufferings.

But I didn't understand that she fulfilled my wish.

I'm alive. I've found friends. I've found family. I've found love. I was happy. I got all I wished for.

_I'm ali__ve should have died  
Four long years ago  
Lost my hope, couldn't cope  
With my fear of news on the radio_

But my happiness didn't last long. I've seen my life destroying. I've seen my love dying. And I thought I would die too. I hoped for it. I prayed for it. But I'm alive. Why?

I damned fate for not letting me die. I didn't want to continue my sufferings.

I didn't understand why I survived again.

_I'm in peace, I feel sweetly released  
From all that I couldn't let go.  
If I knew, what to do  
The I guess I'd finally feel anew_

I kept struggling with people, with fate, even with myself. Eventually that was me who doomed me to loneliness, only because I couldn't let go. I couldn't believe that I deserved to be happy. Recalled my life I understand now what I have to do. I let go my fears and accept who I am.

_Yesterday a hurricane had blown away my long red cape  
And I, feel satisfied_

I did many things. Some were good. Some were bad. But I was living. I was living for others sake. I was living for my daughter. I was living because she needed me around. And I was with her. I was with her when she felt in love for the first time. I was with her when she entered the university. I lead her to the altar. And I know that my life isn't for nothing.

_I'm in peace, I feel sweetly released  
From all that I couldn't let go.  
If I knew, what to do  
The I guess I'd finally feel anew_

_But I can't wear my cape  
'Cause I would be repeating a mistake_

_I just gotta let it go  
I just gotta let it go  
I just gotta let it, let it go, let it go  
I just gotta let it go_

I'm almost there but I'm still here. Finally I'm in peace with myself. I feel anew because I know what to do. I know what will be there. I let go. I look at the people around me. I know how they feel now. I know all of this pain because you think that now you lose something important, you lose someone. But you don't. They just don't understand yet. I don't leave them only go ahead. But I'll wait for them. I'll wait for them understanding and moving on. I'll wait for them finding peace as I did.

I don't leave you! I'll wait for you! And we will be together!

_Yesterday a hurricane had blown away my long red cape,  
And I feel satisfied_

Now I know why you smiled. You've known then. You've known then it wasn't the end. And now I smile too. I smile because I know I'll see you soon. And I'll tell you about all those long days without you and all those short dreams with you.

Soon I'll be with you just wait a little. I have to say good bye.

* * *

please review


End file.
